Archive for the ‘Marriage Jokes’ Category

Double-decker Bus – Blonde jokes

Friday, October 9th, 2009

A blonde, a redhead and a brunette sign up with a tourist group for a chartered-double- bus trip to London. There are only 2 seats left on the bottom of the bus, and only 1 seat on the top of the bus available when they board. The young ladies decide to take turns riding on the top, and flip a coin to see who gets the first turn. The blonde wins the toss.

A couple of hours later, it’s the redhead’s turn. She takes the steps to the top and sees the blonde, sitting there scared half
to death. She’s clutching the seat in front of her so hard that her knuckles are white.

“What’s goin’ on?” the redhead asks. “We’re havin’ a grand old time down below, singing and laughing.”

The blonde replies, “Yeah, but you’ve got a driver.”

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Learn When To Keep your Mouth Shut

Thursday, October 8th, 2009


On their wedding night, the young bride approached her new husband and asked for $20.00 for their first lovemaking encounter. In his highly aroused state, her husband readily agreed.

This scenario was repeated each time they made love, for more than 30 years, with him thinking that it was a cute way for her to afford new clothes and other incidentals that she needed.

Arriving around noon one day, she was surprised to find her husband in a very drunken state. During the next few minutes, he explained that his employer was going through a process of corporate down sizing, and he had been let go.

It was unlikely that, at the age of 59, he’d be able to find another job.

Calmly, his wife handed him a bank book which showed more than thirty years of steady deposits and interest totalling nearly$1 million.

Then she showed him certificates of deposits issued by the bank which were worth over $2 million.

She explained that she had ‘charged’ him for sex, and these were the results of her savings and investments.

The husband was so astounded he could barely speak. Finally he found his voice and blurted out, ‘If I’d had any idea what you were doing, I would have had sex only with you.’

That’s when she shot him.

You know, that’s what happens when you don’t know when to keep your mouth shut…!!!

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Don’t Try This at Home – Marriage jokes

Thursday, October 1st, 2009

An efficiency expert concluded his lecture with a note of caution. “You don’t want to try these techniques at .”

“Why not?” asked someone in the audience.

“I watched my wife’s routine at breakfast for years,” the expert explained. “She made lots of trips to the refrigerator, stove and table, often carrying just a single item. So I suggested, ‘Honey, why don’t you try carrying several things at once?’”

Another person asked, “Did it save time?”

The expert replied, “Actually, it did. It used to take her twenty minutes to get breakfast ready…and now I do it in
about ten.”

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Marriage – Marriage jokes

Thursday, October 1st, 2009

-It’s not as great a day for the bride as she thinks. She’s not marrying the best man.

-They have come up with a perfect understanding. He won’t try to run her life, and he won’t try to run his, either.

-He believes that and a career don’t mix. So after the wedding, he plans to quit his job.

-After the wedding ceremony was over, a little girl asked her mother why the bride changed her mind. “What do you mean?” responded her mother. “Well, she went down the aisle with one man, and came back with another.”

-They had a dispute about a night out with the boys. But, he finally decided to let her go.

-He early on let her know who is the boss. He looked her right in the eye and clearly said, “You’re the boss.”

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Planning Ahead – Marriage jokes

Thursday, October 1st, 2009

A woman decided to have her portrait painted. She told the artist, “Paint me with diamond rings, a diamond necklace, emerald bracelets, a ruby broach, and gold Rolex.”

“But you are not wearing any of those things,” he replied.

“I know,” she said.

“It’s in case I should die before my husband. I’m sure he will remarry right away, and I want his new wife to go crazy looking for the jewelry.”

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