“Why do you Irish always answer a question with a question?” asked President Franklin D. Roosevelt.
“Do we now?” came New York Mayor Al Smith’s reply.
Archive for the ‘Irish Jokes’ Category
Irish Answers
Monday, September 14th, 2009
Why does it take 5 Irishmen to change a lightbulb?
Monday, September 14th, 2009Why does it take five Irishmen to change a lightbulb?
One to change the bulb; four to remark about how grand the old bulb was.
Irish Obituary
Monday, September 14th, 2009Mrs. Pete Monaghan came into the newsroom to pay for her husband’s obituary. She was told by the kindly newsman that it was a dollar a word and he remembered Pete and wasn’t it too bad about him passing away.
She thanked him for his kind words and bemoaned the fact that she only had two dollars. But she wrote out the obituary, “Pete died.”
The newsman said he thought old Pete deserved more and he’d give her three more words at no charge.
Mrs. Pete Monaghan thanked him and rewrote the obituary: “Pete died. Boat for sale”
The Last Supper
Monday, September 14th, 2009The Cork born Father O’Connor’s reputation for castigating the Brits from
the pulpit was legendary. However, the congregation in his new parish of
Boston, Mass., tired of him lambasting the Brits for the horrors they
inflicted upon the Irish for generations.
Ultimately, the Archbishop opted
to send the good father to a small hamlet in the far reaches of Tennessee
where, His Grace said, “The folks know nothing of England and care less. So
Knock off the Brit bashing and you’ll better serve Holy Mother Church.”
Several weeks later, when Father O’Connor stood into the pulpit to deliver
his first sermon to his new congregation, the local Bishop, who knew of
O’Connor’s reputation, was in attendance to check up-on him.
“My dear brethren,” Father O’Connor began, “this morning I’d like to talk
about The Last Supper.”
Not bad, though the Bishop. Safe enough ground.
“Now, the lesson to be learned from The Last Supper, where Christ knew He’d
been betrayed, is that the sin of betrayal is the worst sin of all. A sin
never forgiven by God or man,” thundered Father O’Connor.
Fair enough, thought the Bishop.
“Christ looked around at His apostles. ‘Was it you Peter, who betrayed me?’
He asked.”
“Not I My Lord,” answered Peter.
“Was it you John?”
“Not I My Lord.”
“Christ asked each of them in turn and finally came to Judas, who was
sitting at the end of the table, his head bowed. Was it you, Judas, who
betrayed me? asked Christ, and Judas responded,
“Wot? Me? Not on yer bloody life, Mi’lud.”
The Bishop fainted
Belfast Confession
Monday, September 14th, 2009Boyle sat in a Belfast confessional. “Bless me, Father, for I have sinned,” he said. “I’ve blown up three hundred miles of English railroad!”
“All right, my son,” admonished the priest. “For penance, do the stations!”