I’m just driving this way to get you mad.
Keep honking, I’m reloading.
Hang up and drive.
If you are psychic – think “HONK”
If you can read this, I can slam on my brakes and sue you!
I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather…. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car….”
I Brake For No Apparent Reason.
No Radio – Already Stolen
I brake for… wait… AAAH! NO BRAKES!!!!!
My other vehicle is a Romulan Warbird!
* “Time is what keeps everything from happening at once.”
* “Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.”
* “All generalizations are false.”
* “As long as there are tests there will be prayer in public schools.”
* “The gene pool could use a little chlorine.”
* “I get enough exercise just pushing my luck!”
* “Sometimes I wake up grumpy. Other times I let him/her sleep.”
* “Montana — At least our cows are sane!”
* “Women who seek to be equal to men lack ambition.”
* “Your kid may be an honor student but you’re still an IDIOT!”
* “Friends don’t let friends drive naked.”
* “I don’t suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it!”
* “It’s lonely at the top, but you eat better.”
* “According to my calculations the problem doesn’t exist.”
* “A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory.”
* “Forget about world peace. . . Visualize using your turn signal!”
* “Warning: Dates in calendar are closer than they appear.”
* “Give me ambiguity or give me something else.”
* “Make it idiot proof and someone will make a better idiot.”
* “He who laughs last thinks slowest.”
* “Always remember you’re unique, just like everyone else.”
* “Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math.”
* “Friends help you move. Real friends help you move bodies.”
* “Very funny, Scotty. Now beam down my clothes.”
* “Puritanism: the haunting fear that someone somewhere may be happy.”
* “Consciousness: that annoying time between naps.”
* “We are Microsoft. Resistance Is Futile. You Will Be Assimilated.”
* “Be nice to your kids. They’ll choose your nursing home.”
* “Three kinds of people: those who can count and those who can’t.”
* “Why is ‘abbreviation’ such a long word?”
* “Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?”
* “I killed a 6-pack just to watch it die. ”
* “Auntie Em, hate you, hate Kansas – Taking the dog. –Dorothy.”
* “Lead me not into temptation, I can find it myself.”
* “I’m out of bed and dressed, what more do you want?”
“All generalizations are false.”
“Time is what keeps everything from happening at once.”
Seen on an old, beat-up car: “This is not an abandoned vehicle.”
“Born Free. . . . .Taxed to Death”
“Cover me. I’m changing lanes.”
“The more people I meet, the more I like my dog.”
“Sometimes I wake up grumpy; Other times I let her sleep”
“Work is for people who don’t know how to fish”
“Montana — At least our cows are sane!”
“I didn’t fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian.”
On the other hand, you have different fingers.
“I love cats…they taste just like chicken”
“Laugh alone and the world thinks you’re an idiot.”
“Jack Kevorkian for White House Physician”
“I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather…. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car….”
“Your kid may be an honor student but you’re still an IDIOT!”
“I souport publik edekasion”
“We are Microsoft. Resistance Is Futile. You Will Be Assimilated.”
“Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?”
“Auntie Em: Hate you, Hate Kansas, Taking the dog. -Dorothy.”
Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don’t.
I feel like I’m diagonally parked in a parallel universe.
He’s not dead, he’s electroencephalographically challenged.
She’s always late. Her ancestors arrived on the Juneflower.
You have the right to remain silent….Anything you say will be misquoted, then used against you.
I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be without sponges.
Honk if you love peace and quiet.
Nothing is fool-proof to a sufficiently talented fool.
A day without sunshine is like, you know, night.
Atheism is a non-prophet organization.