The lil’ Columbia, Maryland Yuppette was shopping in an upscale pet center. “I want a dog of which I can be proud,” she told the salesman. “Does that one have a good pedigree?”
“Miss,” declared the clerk, “if she could speak, she wouldn’t talk to either one
of us.”
I went to the cinema the other day and in the front row was an old man and with him was his dog. It was a sad funny kind of film, you know the type. In the sad part, the dog cried his eyes out, and in the funny part, the dog laughed its head off. This happened all the way through the film. After the film had ended, I decided to go and speak to the man.
“That’s the most amazing thing I’ve seen,” I said. “That dog really seemed to enjoy the film.”
The man turned to me and said, “Yeah, it is. He hated the book.”
During the local match, a spectator was surprised to see a dog walk onto the pitch and start pitching, eventually striking out the other all star team, and scoring two home runs.
“That’s incredible!” he exclaimed to the man next to him.
“Yes,” he said, “but he’s a terrible disappointment to his parents. They wanted him to be a footballer.”
A little boy took his dog on a “take your pet to school” day. There were prizes for the smallest, the prettiest, the cutest, and the smartest pet. Determined that his dog win a prize, the boy put his pet through a whole series of tricks. Finally the boy turned to the dog and asked, “Mindy, how much is two plus two minus four?” The dog sat quietly, making no sound, remaining still and silent. “Right!”
exclaimed the boy. His dog won first prize.
A salesman dropped in to see a business customer. Not a soul was in the office
except a big dog emptying wastebaskets. The salesman stared at the animal, wondering if
his imagination could be playing tricks on him. The dog looked up and said, “Don’t be surprised. This is just part of my job.”
“Incredible!” exclaimed the man. “I can’t believe it! Does your boss know what a prize he has in you? An animal that can talk!”
“No, no,” pleaded the dog. “Please don’t! If he finds out I can talk, he’ll make me answer the phone as well!”