Archive for the ‘Doctor Jokes’ Category

No Guts, No Heart, No Spine

Monday, October 5th, 2009

Five surgeons are discussing who makes the best patients to operate on.

The first surgeon says, “I like to see accountants on my operating table, because when you open them up, everything inside is numbered.”

The second responds, “Yeah, but you should try electricians Everything inside them is color coded.”

The third surgeon says, “No, I really think file clerks are the best; everything inside them is in alphabetical order.”

The fourth surgeon chimes in: “You know, I like construction workers… those guys always understand when you have a few parts left over at the end, and when the job takes longer than you said it would.”

But the fifth surgeon shut them all up when he observed:”You’re all wrong. Politicians are the easiest to operate on. There’s no guts, no heart, and no spine, and the head and butt are interchangeable.”

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The Urologist Appointment – Doctor jokes

Tuesday, September 1st, 2009

An older gentleman had an appointment to see the who shared offices with several other doctors.

The waiting room was filled with patients. As he approached the receptionist’s desk, he noticed that the receptionist was a large un-friendly woman who looked like a Sumo wrestler.

He gave her his name.

In a very loud voice, the receptionist said, “YES, I HAVE YOUR NAME HERE; YOU WANT TO SEE THE DOCTOR ABOUT IMPOTENCE, RIGHT?”

All the patients in the waiting room snapped their heads around to look at the very embarrassed man.

He recovered quickly, and in an equally loud voice replied, “NO, I’VE COME TO INQUIRE ABOUT A SEX CHANGE OPERATION, BUT I DON’T WANT THE SAME DOCTOR THAT DID YOURS.”

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Labor Pains – Doctor jokes

Tuesday, September 1st, 2009

A married couple rushed to the hospital because the woman was in . When they got there, the doctor said, “I have invented a new machine that you might want to try. It takes some of the pains away from the mother and gives them to the father.”

So the married couple decided that they would try the new machine. The doctor hooked the machine up and put it on 10% of pain switched from the mother to the father.

The husband said “I feel okay, turn it up a lot more” so the doctor turned it up to 50%.

The husband said “why don’t you just put it all on me cause I’m not feeling a thing.”

The doctor warned them “this much could kill you if your not prepared”.

The husband replied “I am ready.”

The doctor turned the machine up to 100% but the husband still didn’t fell a thing!

They went home happy with a pain free ! When they got home they were shocked to find the mailman was dead on the front porch!

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Red Haired Baby – Doctor jokes

Tuesday, September 1st, 2009

After their baby was born, the panicked father went to see the Obstetrician. “Doctor,” the man said, “I don’t mind telling you, but I’m a little upset because my daughter has red hair.

She can’t possibly be mine.”

“Nonsense,” the doctor said. “Even though you and your wife both have black hair, one of your ancestors may have contributed red hair to the gene pool.”

“It isn’t possible,” the man insisted. “This can’t be, our families on both sides had jet-black hair for generations.”

“Well,” said the doctor, “let me ask you this. How often do you have sex?”

The man seemed a bit ashamed. “I’ve been working very hard for the past year. We only made
love once or twice every few months.”

“Well, there you have it!” The doctor said confidently. “It’s rust.”

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Doctors Visit – Doctor jokes

Tuesday, September 1st, 2009

A man went to the doctor’s office to get a double dose of Viagra.

The doctor told him that he couldn’t prescribe him a double dose. “Why not?” asked the man.

“Because it’s not safe,” replied the doctor.

“But I need it really bad,” said the man.

“Well, why do you need it so badly?” asked the doctor.

The man said, “My girlfriend is coming into town on Friday; my ex-wife will be here on Saturday; and my wife is coming home on Sunday. Can’t you see? I must have a double dose.”

The doctor finally relented saying, “Okay, I’ll give it to you, but you have to come in on Monday morning so that I can check you to see if there were any side effects.”

On Monday, the man dragged himself in, his right arm in a sling.

The doctor asked, “What happened to you?”

The man said, “No one showed up!”

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