Archive for the ‘Cop Jokes’ Category

If Only Life Could Be Like a Computer

Monday, August 3rd, 2009

If you messed up your life, you could press “Alt, Ctrl, Delete” and start all over!

To get your daily exercise, just click on “run”!

If you needed a break from life, click on “suspend”.

Hit “any key” to continue life when ready.

To “add/remove” someone in your life, click settings and control panel.

To improve your appearance, just adjust the display settings.

If life gets too noisy, turn off the speakers.

When you lose your car keys, click on “find”.

We could click on “send” and the kids would go to bed immediately.

To feel like a new person, click on “refresh”.

Click on “close” to shut up the kids and spouse.

To undo a mistake, click on “back”.

If you don’t like cleaning the litter box, click on “delete”.

Share and Enjoy:
  • Print this article!
  • Digg
  • del.icio.us
  • Facebook
  • Mixx
  • Google Bookmarks
  • BlinkList
  • Live
  • StumbleUpon
  • Twitter
  • MySpace
  • E-mail this story to a friend!
  • Turn this article into a PDF!
  • Reddit
  • Yahoo! Buzz

Parking Meter

Monday, August 3rd, 2009

On a visit to Boston, I noticed a parking meter with a over it upon which was written: “Broken.”

A skeptical parking officer removed the bag, inserted a quarter in the meter and turned the dial. It worked perfectly. As the officer began to write a parking ticket, the car’s owner rushed out of a nearby building.

“What are you doing?” he yelled after a quick glance at the meter.
“There’s plenty of time left!”

Share and Enjoy:
  • Print this article!
  • Digg
  • del.icio.us
  • Facebook
  • Mixx
  • Google Bookmarks
  • BlinkList
  • Live
  • StumbleUpon
  • Twitter
  • MySpace
  • E-mail this story to a friend!
  • Turn this article into a PDF!
  • Reddit
  • Yahoo! Buzz

Who says cops don’t have a sense of humor?

Monday, August 3rd, 2009

“The handcuffs are tight because they’re new. They’ll stretch out after you wear them awhile.”

“If you run, you’ll only go to jail tired.”

“So, you don’t know how fast you were going. I guess that means I can write anything I want on the ticket, huh?”

“Yes sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but I don’t think it will help. Oh, did I mention that I am the shift supervisor?”

“Warning! You want a warning? O.K., I’m warning you not to do that again or I’ll give you another ticket.”

“The answer to this last question will determine whether you are drunk or not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat or dog?”

“Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets a toaster oven.”

“Life’s tough, it’s tougher if you’re stupid.”

“In God we trust, all others are suspects.”

“No sir, we don’t have quotas anymore. We used to have quotas, but now we’re allowed to write as many tickets as we want.”

“Just how big were those two beers?

Share and Enjoy:
  • Print this article!
  • Digg
  • del.icio.us
  • Facebook
  • Mixx
  • Google Bookmarks
  • BlinkList
  • Live
  • StumbleUpon
  • Twitter
  • MySpace
  • E-mail this story to a friend!
  • Turn this article into a PDF!
  • Reddit
  • Yahoo! Buzz

Repeat Offender

Monday, August 3rd, 2009

A judge scowled down at a repeat offender before him. “Haven’t I seen you in here many times already? And didn’t I tell you that I never wanted to see you in here again?”

“Yes, Your Honor,” the replied. “That’s exactly what I told the police officer, but he insisted I come in
anyway!”

Share and Enjoy:
  • Print this article!
  • Digg
  • del.icio.us
  • Facebook
  • Mixx
  • Google Bookmarks
  • BlinkList
  • Live
  • StumbleUpon
  • Twitter
  • MySpace
  • E-mail this story to a friend!
  • Turn this article into a PDF!
  • Reddit
  • Yahoo! Buzz

On their way home from the bar …

Monday, August 3rd, 2009

John and Jessica were on their way home from the bar one night and John got pulled over by the police. The officer told John that he was stopped because his tail light was burned out. John said, “I’m very , I didn’t realize it was out, I’ll get it fixed right away.”

Just then Jessica said, “I knew this would happen when I told you two days ago to get that light fixed.”

So the officer asked for John’s license and after looking at it said, “Sir your license has expired.”

And again John apologized and mentioned that he didn’t realize that it had expired and would take care of it first thing in the morning.

Jessica said, “I told you a week ago that the state sent you a letter telling you that your license had expired.”

Well by this time, John is a bit upset with his wife contradicting him in front of the officer, and he said in a rather loud voice, “Jessica, shut your mouth!” pr0perty0fgl0wp0rt

The officer then leaned over toward Jessica and asked. “Does your husband always talk to you like that?”

Jessica replied, “only when he’s drunk.”

Share and Enjoy:
  • Print this article!
  • Digg
  • del.icio.us
  • Facebook
  • Mixx
  • Google Bookmarks
  • BlinkList
  • Live
  • StumbleUpon
  • Twitter
  • MySpace
  • E-mail this story to a friend!
  • Turn this article into a PDF!
  • Reddit
  • Yahoo! Buzz