Archive for the ‘Church Jokes’ Category

Get well message

Monday, August 3rd, 2009

A motorcycle patrolman was rushed to the hospital with an . The doctors operated and advised him that all was well. However, the patrolman kept feeling something pulling at the hairs on his chest. Worried that it might be a second surgery the doctors hadn’t told him about, he finally got enough energy to pull his down enough so he could look at what was making him so uncomfortable.

Taped firmly across his hairy chest were three wide strips of adhesive tape, the kind that doesn’t come off easily. Written in large black letters was the sentence.

“Get well quick….. from the nurse you gave a ticket to last week.”

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The Dying Preacher

Friday, July 31st, 2009

An old was dying. He sent a message for his IRS agent and his Lawyer (both ), to come to his home. When they arrived, they were ushered up to his bedroom. As they entered the room, the held out his hands and motioned for them to sit on each side of the bed. The grasped their hands, sighed contentedly, smiled and stared at the ceiling. For a time, no one said anything. Both the IRS agent and Lawyer were touched and flattered that the old would ask them to be with him during his final moment.

They were also puzzled because the had never given any indication that he particularly liked either one of them.

Finally, the Lawyer asked, “, why did you ask the two of us to come?”

The old mustered up some strength, then said weakly, “Jesus died between two thieves, and that’s how I want to go, too.

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I want my baby back ribs

Tuesday, July 28th, 2009

God was talking to Adam one day when Adam begins to lament. “God I’m lonely, I need a companion?” God replies, “Adam, I have the perfect person for you, she’s beautiful, she’s generous, and she’ll be yours forever” “Adam, excited about the news begins to thank God over and over.sound great, but then stops and asks God, “Wait a minute, how much is she going to cost me?” “An arm and a leg,” God replied jokingly. “That’s pretty steep” said Adam, “What can I get for a rib?”

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Devil in the Church

Monday, July 27th, 2009

One Sunday morning, Satan appeared before a small town congregation. Everyone started screaming and running for the front church door, trampling each other in a frantic effort to get away.

Soon, everyone was gone, except for an elderly gentleman who sat calmly. Satan walked up to the man and said, “Don’t you know who I am?”

The man replied, “Yep, sure do.”

Satan asked, “Aren’t you going to run?”

“Nope, sure ain’t,” said the man.

Perturbed, Satan asked, “Why aren’t you afraid of me?”

The man calmly replied, “Been married to your sister for over 48 years.”
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Cat in the Way

Sunday, July 26th, 2009

Two were going to , and knocked on the of a woman who was not happy to see them. She told them in no uncertain terms that she did not want to hear their message and slammed the in their faces. To her surprise, however, the did not close and, in fact, bounced back open. She tried again, really put her back into it, and slammed the again with the same result-the bounced back open.

Convinced these rude young people were sticking their foot in the , she reared back to give it a slam that would teach them a lesson, when one of them said, “Ma’am, before you do that again, you need to move your cat.”

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