Q: What’s the difference between Michael Jackson and Casper?
A: One is pale and scares kids and the other is a friendly ghost.
Archive for the ‘Celebrity jokes’ Category
Jackson vs Casper one liners – Celebrity jokes
Tuesday, September 15th, 2009
Pamela Anderson – Hurt all ove – Celebrity jokes
Monday, August 17th, 2009Pamela Anderson walks into a doctor’s office. She gets in the room with the doctor and says, “Doc, I hurt all over.” The doctor is really confused. He says, “What do you mean, you hurt all over?” Pamela Anderson says, “I’ll show you.”
She then touches herself on her leg. “OW!!! I hurt there.” Then she touches her earlobe. “OW!!!!!! I hurt there too!” Then she touches her hair. “OW!!!!! EVEN MY HAIR HURTS!” So the doctor sits back and thinks on it for 5 min. Then he says, “Tell me, is blonde your natural hair color?” Pamela Anderson says “Yes, why?”
The doctor says, “Well, you got a broken finger…”
Brad Pitt & Angelina Jolie, Chores – Celebrity jokes
Monday, August 17th, 2009Brad Pitt is at home watching a football game when Angelina Jolie interrupts, “Honey, could you fix the light in the hallway? It’s been flickering for weeks now.”
He looks at her and says angrily, “Fix the light? Now? Does it look like I have a G.E. logo printed on my forehead? I don’t think so.” “Well then, could you fix the fridge door? It won’t close properly.”
To which he replies, “Fix the fridge door? Does it look like I have a Westinghouse logo printed on my forehead? I don’t think so.” “Fine,” she says, “Then, would you at least fix the steps to the front door? They’re a mess and a real hazard.”
“I’m not a damn carpenter and I don’t want to fix the steps,” he says. “Does it look like I have a Black and Decker logo printed on my forehead? I don’t think so.” He continued, “In fact, I’ve had enough of all your Bickering. I’m going to the bar!”
So, Brad Pitt goes to the bar and drinks for a couple hours. Sometime later, he starts to feel guilty about his treatment of Angelina, so he decides to return home and help out with the chores.
As he walks into the house, he notices the steps have been repaired. Then, as he enters the house, he notices the hall light is working again. And, to top
it off, when he goes to get a beer from the fridge, he notices the fridge door has been fixed.
“Honey, how’d this all get fixed?”
Angelina Jolie replies, “Well, when you left, I sat outside and cried. Just then, a nice young man asked me what was wrong, and I told him. He offered to do all the repairs, and all I had to do was either have sex with him or bake him a cake.”
“So, what kind of cake did you bake him?” asks the husband.
“Hellooooooo!” she replies emphatically, “Do you see a Betty Crocker logo printed on my forehead? I don’t think so!”
Pamela Anderson at an Appliance Store – Celebrity jokes
Monday, August 17th, 2009Pamela Anderson went to the appliance store sale and found a bargain. “I would like to buy this TV,” she told the salesman.
“Sorry, we don’t sell to blondes,” he replied. She hurried home and dyed her hair, then came back and again told the salesman “I would like to buy this TV.”
“Sorry, we don’t sell to blondes,” he replied. “Darn, he recognized me,” she thought. She went for a complete disguise this time, haircut and new color,
new outfit, big sunglasses, then waited a few days before she again approached the salesman.
“I would like to buy this TV.” “Sorry, we don’t sell to blondes,” he replied. Frustrated, Pamela exclaimed “How do you know
I’m a blonde?” “Because that’s a microwave,” he replied.
Al Pacino at a mental Asylum – Celebrity jokes
Monday, August 17th, 2009During a visit to a mental asylum, Al Pacino asked the Director what the criterion was which defined whether or not a patient should be institutionalized.
“Well,” said the Director, “we fill up a bathtub, then we offer a teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket to the patient and ask
him or her to empty the bathtub.”
“Oh, I understand,” said Al Pacino. “A normal person would use the bucket because it’s bigger than the spoon or the teacup.”
“No.” said the Director, “A normal person would pull the plug.”
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